Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
