i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
