i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
