Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
