my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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