put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
