Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
