so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
