Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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