Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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