I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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