remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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