Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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