Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
