I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
