Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
