She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
