Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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