I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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