Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
