are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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