adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Two words: nipple clamps
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