I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
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