i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
