Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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