so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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