3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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