i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
