i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
