she looked like the bat from fern gully.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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