i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
