You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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