I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
