Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
