Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Can I color on your dick again?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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