I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
you inspire me to be a worse person
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
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came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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