I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize