before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
