we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
