They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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