The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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