We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
