i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
