So gin and wine won't be happening again
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
