woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
