yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
