Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
