i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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