U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
FUCK WHALES
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
