i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
