Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
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I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
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The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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