cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
