they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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