I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
