Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
