Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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