alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
