I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize