Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I have already put on my inside pants.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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