She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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