Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Life is so much better after having sex.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
