either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
