It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
