Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
