Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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