3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize