He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
