you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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